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Two teenagers sat opposite me. I helped brainstorming themes for a college app attachment.
"I'm an average student," wrote one of them during the free writing exercise. The other wished she was smarter, and "had something interesting to write."
I could have had the same of me at this age could have said, but would have been too insecure to admit it. I also fought to find a topic and get worried that I was not interesting enough. And I had no monumental challenge that demonstrated my courage or character starch.
Back looking at my younger himself, I think I underestimated the challenge to try to overcome "average" at an age, passions, talent and extraordinary skills rewarded.
Take my twelve piano lessons. I started when I was in the first class. I learned to read music and slowly make me through lessons. I did not know how Mediokre I was until I participated in a Music Camp in high school. Until then, I had played piano for ten years, a majority of my life.
It was only when the first student, and then the second to play their audition in front of each one that became clear to me that I was out of my league. Your parts were saved; For me they sounded like professionals. I sat on my chair, piano book in his hand and trying to figure out how to escape from this room before I came up, and tried to find out what I would do for the next two weeks.
I've probably landed there because no one had accepted to discourage me - not my gentle mother still my piano teacher who probably needed the extra income. A winter he even asked me to accompany the high school chorus he dressed. I was thrilled by the concept until the actual day came. I was always nervous when I played in front of people - my piano teacher itself - but that night, my fear rose to new heights.
If he gave the downbeat to start, I met a wrong note. When the vocals began, I lost the timing after timing. My well-tailed fingers flew through the piece as I am the experience to be as fast as possible. When I looked up, my teacher was red in his face, come to the feet. He wanted me to hear the beat. But did not have any relevance at this moment.
I have not terminated my piano lessons, even after the humiliation of this night. I do not know why. Maybe it was because I thought he needed students and did not want to hurt his feelings, or maybe it was, because I consider every new song he assigns to me as a fresh opportunity as a fresh opportunity, a chance for salvation. Although it needed an extraordinary amount of practice to master a song, I loved the feeling of my fingers who get the notes right when I finally did.
I have about this optimism, my readiness and determination to try to try again and again, despite the process never easier to try. Or about my attorney and the courage, it took to put it weekly.
I think it was possible; I had worked on my scales daily, as my teacher proposed, maybe I would have had more success.
But now, as a parent to four musical sons, everything with good rhythm, I see what a seized climb. I see my determination to stay with something that was hard. At that time I underestimated my resistance in view of the objective mediocrity.
And I was too embarrassed by doing average and never admitted. It felt like it's my fault.In Retrospect, I should have been proud of my efforts that achieved relatively small rewards and used it to my benefit.
"I understand the feeling," I said to the young adults sitting by me in the square conference room.
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