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If you follow me on Twitter, you probably talked about how much I love the concept of journaling as a way to promote my creativity, and to process and work self-doubt. In fact, I'm a journal almost every day, usually in the morning with a coffee - and in this cooler and dark morning here in Portland - under a blanket on my couch. This is a practice that participated in 2015 in the last stages of my graduate school. I started this year with two major New Year's foremosts: I would hold a regular journal, and I would end a dissertation that I have written for some time and finally received my doctoral students. While I suspected that the first goal would help to achieve the second, I did not expect how important that the journaling process would be. In fact, in recent months before I defended my dissertation, the journal became one of the main tools for success.
Anyone who has passed through the process of a phd knows how emotionally can be writing a dissertation. No matter if it is the daily meal of work on a large project, the agony of writing blocks, the frustration of potential conflicts with their committee or apparent impossibility, with other aspects in life dissertation is extremely stressful work. The magazine has helped to make this process manageable, as it gave me a room to return to, and think about this process, and let either disconnect my frustrations from the stressful process.
One of my favorite matters about the magazine was that it was a room for me and only I . If so much of a dissertation rode on the consent of the committee, I needed a private space from the social networks. I had to be open somewhere with someone - and that somewhere was the notebook I held for me.
I know friends and colleagues who work the challenges about an anonymous blog or a Twitter account, I can not imagine sharing some of the things I wrote in the magazine in recent months. In the magazine I did not have to do that as things were went smoothly. I did not think about how to communicate contradictory thoughts. Basically, I did not even have to write sentences that made sense. Curse words that I could not send e-mails had a home. I did not have two diverse opinions in my committee. No coded language required. When my husband was tired of my hikes (as he certainly did, even if he had not admitted it), I could continue to vent in the magazine before going to bed.
And I did, often this spring, especially in the last moments, as I crawled a committee to the herd, a committee to read and sign the various documents. However, I think that if I had only used the journal for bleed, it would not have been such a useful tool. Wide much more often I used the pages to act as my own cheerleaders. The dissertation letter is such an insulating experience; I came to realize that the only person who could scare me was the most optimistic version of me. I used the room to remind me that it was only a dissertation (even if I knew that from the beginning, it is easy to forget this). I remember that I was more as a dissertation, and that every stupid thing I had to do is rising only for the course.
When I will discuss in a future post (you can now find it here), I now in a formalized way into a formalized way, always in the morning, with Julia Cameron's concept of "morning pages" as my guide. If I had known from Cameron's concept back in the grade school, it would have been a useful tool during the dissertation.But sometimes I sometimes only needed a few affirming sentences at night to settle my brain, so I could sleep and start the next day.
Now I like to look back in my Kribblings for this period for another reason - for you remember that a project takes these cruel-fired emotional work. It's always work, right? Even if we can forget that if the polished product is sitting in front of us.
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